you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Naked. naked and bneed help.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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