my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
