oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
