Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Randomize
