we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
