so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize
