Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
