I'm jealous of your bromance
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
