If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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