he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
