Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
