Where is the hickey?
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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