dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
