This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
