Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
