Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
