WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
