Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
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