i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
You don't make any sense
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