there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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