When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Randomize
