i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
