you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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