Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
