Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
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