Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
