Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
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