...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished�
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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