She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
He did a backflip because drugs
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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