i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
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