Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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