This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
