I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
