Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
