I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
