Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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