apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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