the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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