Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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