My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
