well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
