Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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