I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Randomize
