my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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