There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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