that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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