I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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