The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
