i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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