New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
